Rant @ 1:10am

7 07 2008

argh, i should be one of the lucky ones. Actually being able to have a grad party, but of all things i want. A grad party wasn’t my top priority. Having money isn’t our family’s forte at this moment, but how thoughtful of them to throw me a graduation party. *sigh, i would rather save that money to go to college, and maybe buy me a few dbsk goodies. :) Wouldn’t that be lovely?

But that was just be too good to be true *sigh. i knew it.

i hate when my parents continuously fight. Especially when they fight over me. Sounds so flattering, no? lol. but seriously. It makes me wish that i was never born or have anything to do with this family. *sigh. Such a regretful thing to say but the more i think about it but more wanting it gets.

So after a very fucked up sleeping schedule (took at “nap” from 3pm-9pm. And went to “sleep” at 6am) i wake up (@10am) to more bickering and arguments about how my father feels left out and it’s all my mom’s fault. -_- I can understand that he’s hurt that my grandma told him to butt out of my grad party, but please stop rubbing it in our faces every single day. If he really cared about me, his daughter then wouldn’t he voluntarily start helping again? Instead of sitting on the couch, watching tv and sulking in his own pitiful decisions. So after what seemed like 5minutes of blaming and yelling at my mom, i step in and try to defend everyone. I guess that sure did piss him off. He continuously says he’s not mad at ME, but he’s furious with my MOM. This sucks.

I don’t want a grad party. I didn’t even ask for it. This year is just soo horrible. I never wanted to run away soo many times before. *sigh.

I’m seriously not a fan of drama, unless they involve hot actors, speaking korean or japanese with awesome storylines and plots of course.

Frustrated, angry, upset, sad, mad, and everything in between, i cry. -_- i hate myself for being so weak. why doesn’t my OWN FATHER see how much I’m hurting because of his stupid dumb actions. So my whole party is based on “would my father like this” n that and all that bullshit.

*sigh, i should just forget my troubles.

Anyway, my laptop has been lagging for DAYS now. -_- i think i need to restart the internet connection. *sigh.

If only i had money… *sigh.
– kimi Suki CD (+ DVD)
– 3rd Live concert tour – T DVD.
– A Week holiday Photobook (x2)
– DBSK’s 4th korean album;; Comeback.

but no…. ;_; i need all my money that i make (which is only minimum!!!) and save it for college and this damn party! Which by the way i had to partake in $900 of my own graduation money to pay for. ads;flkajsdofijawejfadslkfj…. I’m paying for a party that i don’t want!!!!!!!

*runs and cries.




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